If an empath sets boundaries and walks away, refusing to internalize the projected feelings of the narcissist (i.e., the narcissist projecting their own worthlessness onto the empath), then the abusive dynamic would cease to exist.

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The empath is hoping to be truly seen and loved by the narcissist. In fact, their sense of worth is tied to being loved by their narcissistic partner. An unconscious thought process is taking place, whereby the empath believes that, if they can overcome the challenge of getting the narcissist to love them, then their worth will be validated. In other words, if they can make the person who is incapable of love, love them, then they are truly worthy of love. They try to heal the wounded narcissist, hoping that once healed, they in turn will provide the empath with the love and validation they so desperately desire.

Underlying their unconscious desire to seek love from the unloving narcissist is an acting out of a childhood relationship dynamic where they have felt unlovable or rejected by a primary caregiver. The empath was unable to receive the unconditional love that every child needs. This could have occurred as a result of having a narcissistic parent(s), or having parent(s) who were unavailable to their emotional needs (i.e., need to be noticed, need to be acknowledged for one’s strengths, need to be accepted and loved). Now in their adulthood, the empath is trying to seek validation and feel the worth they did not feel as a child. But now the stakes are higher. Receiving love from just anyone would not repair their low self-worth.

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An empath has a choice-- to maintain the status quo and remain in the abusive dynamic with the narcissist, or to take responsibility for their contribution to the dysfunctional relationship and to focus all the attention and focus they placed on “fixing” the narcissist on healing their own inner wounds.

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